Since we're known as the
"Most Female Friendly Shop" in Apex, North Carolina, is only appropriate to add a little humor. Read
the following for a good laugh.
OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR
(1) Pull up to Peak Automotive when it is time for your next oil
(2) Relax in a massage chair with a glass of wine, soda, coffee, or
cappuccino while reading the latest Oprah, Parenting, or Shape Magazine or
working on your laptop.
(3) 45 minutes later write a check and leave with a
properly maintained vehicle where the fluids have been topped off, car has been
washed, tires rotated, and courtesty inspection completed.
Oil Change: $34.95 (non-synthetic oil change)
Wireless access: FREE
Glass of wine, soda, or coffee: FREE
Massage in chair: FREE
Total cost of peace of mind knowing
your car is maintained: PEAKFULLY PRICELESS
INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN:
(1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts
store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented
tree, write a check for $50.00
(2) Stop by liquor store and buy a case of
beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.
(3) Open a beer and drink
(4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. Jack car up.
jack stands under kid's pedal car.
(6) In frustration, open another beer and
(7) Place drain pan under engine.
(8) Look for 9/16 box end
(9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
(10) Drop drain plug in pan
of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Cuss.
(11) Crawl out
from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on
(12) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
(14) Give up; crawl under car and
hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
(15) Crawl out from
under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly
hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental
(16)Drink a beer.
(17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with
him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door
(18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil
change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in
hole in back yard instead of taking it to recycle.
(19) Throw kitty litter on
oil spilled during step 18.
(20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
Walk to liquor store; buy beer.
(22) Install new oil filter making sure to
apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
(23) Dump first quart of fresh
oil into engine.
(24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
(25) Hurry to find
drain plug in drain pan.
(26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole
in the back yard along with drain plug.
(27) Drink beer.
(28) Shovel out
hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily patch of ground and avoid
environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
(29) Discover that
first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil
(30) Drink beer.
(31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into
eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid
crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
(33) Begin cussing fit.
Throw stupid crescent wrench.
(35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because
wrench hit Miss December (1992).
(37) Clean up hands and
forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
(40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
(42) Lower car
from jack stands.
(43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor
(44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
during steps 23 - 43.
(46) Test drive car.
(47) Get pulled
over: arrested for driving under the influence.
(48) Car gets
(49) Call loving wife, make bail.
(50) 12 hours later, get car
from impound yard.
Impound fee: $75.00
$4165.00 -- But you know the job was done right!